Deteriorata / Desiderata

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.

"Deteriorata" is a famous parody of San Francisco radio and television personality Les Crane's spoken word recording of "Desiderata." It was recorded by National Lampoon as part of their 1972 National Lampoon Radio Dinner album. Les Crane himself admitted to preferring this version over his own Grammy-winning recording of the original poem. Voiceover talent Norman Rose read the "poem" and then-little-known Melissa Manchester was a background singer on the chorus section of the song.

Deteriorata 

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss - and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you... That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken. Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. Give up!

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

~ National Lampoon, 1972
  

Note: The word "Deteriorata" is a portmanteau of "Desiderata" and deteriorate. There's a decent video of the original music from the National Lampoon album here:

For those so interested in reading the original from which the above was based, it was written by Max Ehrmann in 1952, and can be found here: Desiderata.

Above all, remember this:

• Whether you can hear it or not, The universe is laughing behind your back.

 

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